I got married in the year 2005, to my heart throb. It was a very exciting moment for me. Indeed, it was a dream come true. Everyone around me, including family and friends however, felt I was making a terrible decision because, he wasn’t the type of man they ever thought I’ll end up with. I wasn’t really bothered by their reactions. As a matter of fact, I expected it and that was the main reason I kept my relationship with him a secret, until the wedding plans begun.
READ THE PREVIOUS STORY: THE EARLY HARVEST
Duke is a nice guy. He is very humble, kind, loving, caring etc. He’s the kind of man you’d gladly say YES to, without having to fear that your ego and pride as a person may get damaged, as a result of submitting to him as wife. He had the personality of a man who would tirelessly support a woman all the way in life.
On the other hand, I am a beautician and an international model. A lot more classy than Duke and was the Miss beautiful girl of my country in the year 2001. You know, with the nature of what I do and the level of exposure I had, Duke would have been a capital NO because, he was into ministry. He wasn’t even as famous and as rich as I was. But the day our paths crossed, I knew he was the one.
I thought getting married to Duke was going to be a day of fulfilment rather, it marked the beginning of a new, sad and confused life for me.
Two years passed and I didn’t conceive. At first, I wasn’t bothered, but worries began to gradually seep in. I called Duke’s attention to it, but he told me that he wasn’t bothered and that I should not worry at all. He reassured me that in due time I’d conceive. I took his word for it. After all, he is a very anointed minister of God.
After my conversation with Duke, I began to do all I could to worry less. I began to get more involved with church activities and activities that will enhance my spiritual growth. But after our 5th year anniversary, I decided to take the whole conception thing more seriously.
I went to the hospital to see a very good gynaecologist. He conducted some tests and reassured me that I would conceive and that there was nothing wrong with me at all. But my mind didn’t go well with that report. I felt he was lying to me. He also gave me some pills to help with the pains I often experience with my menstrual cycle.
When I got home, I told Duke all that had transpired at the hospital. By the time I was done, he kissed me and said to me,
“Nothing can be wrong with you because you are in Christ Jesus. Next time, inform me before going to see a any doctor. I’ll love to accompany you and give you my support. Stop worrying yourself honey”.
That day I considered his reply very nonchalant. I acted mean to him for two weeks and most of the time, locked myself indoors, weeping bitterly.
After I had gotten over my visit to the doctor and my husband’s supposed nonchalant reply, I proposed in my heart to get to the root of my infertility at all cost. I began to go for one doctor’s appointment to another, including doctors outside the country. I didn’t care if I had to exhaust all of my life savings. All I wanted was to become a mother and I felt that, with the best medical attention I could get in the whole world, a solution would be proffered.
So the quest for a solution began, and Duke was beside me all the way. He missed church services just to be by my side. But, never for once did he stop telling me to calm down and that the answer was within. Well, that didn’t make any sense to me.
For 5 years, it was from one country to another, one doctor’s office to another, one test to another, one surgery to another, one failed IVF to another etc. I spent about 300 million dollars which happened to be all my life savings. Not only did this quest for solution drain me financially, it also drained me psychologically, physically, maritally, socially, career wise etc.
Due to the several hormonal medications I was placed on, I gained weight and lost shape completely. I developed a very low self esteem, I became reserved, I lost connection with my husband and my modelling career went down the drain.
So, I resorted to focusing on God. I stopped going for routine medical check ups pertaining my trying to conceive. Rather, I spent more time attending church programs and involving myself in a lot of church activities. But deep within me, there was still that desperation. I craved for something to happen suddenly. I didn’t have the intention to grow and learn. I just wanted a child. I felt through my commitment in church activities, God would probably have mercy on me and give a child. In the process, I ran into a lot women who were once in a similar situation as me. I never hesitated to discuss with them just to know how they came out of it and had their babies.
Some of them told me they stopped worrying, some others told me they started to prepare and act like an expectant mother, some said that they started visiting orphanages, some said the began to give children gifts, others said they bought baby clothes etc….. and after doing these things they got pregnant miraculously. Well, I never bothered to ask why they chose to do those things. I just jumped into what they did. I began to do exactly as they did. To me I felt I was walking by faith. The kind of faith where you need to pretend to have something so that you can have it eventually.
Another five years passed and nothing happened. I didn’t even conceive talk more of having a miscarriage.
I got really tired and I finally decided to give up on the issue entirely. I rested my case and told my husband that I would no longer be enthusiastic about having a child anymore. As usual, he was calm. He only smiled and then handed over a book on faith to me. Then, he said to me,
“I am glad you have decided to rest concerning this issue. I got this book for you 4 years ago but I wasn’t motivated to give it to you because you were just too into this issue. I actually wanted you to calm down. Please read this book. I give you a year and six months from now. You’ll get pregnant.”
He got up and muttered to himself as he left the room, “ You were actually just over doing things. I never complained. Now you’ve wasted years looking at the wrong places and doing the wrong things.”
So, I started reading the book, that same day.
After reading the book for some days, I discovered that every request that a child of God has and would ever have, has already been answered.
I could see that God has already said Yes. The book made me see that there was no place in the Bible that it is written, that God may not give you your request. Rather, it is written that He grants us the desires of our hearts and that we should make our request known, by asking and it would be given to us.
I further discovered that the answers to our requests have already been placed inside of us. That answer is the spirit of God in us. All you need to do is to bring out the answers by confessing your desires and by praying in the HolySpirit for extended hours (depending on your schedule)
So, I began to change my mindset from looking for a child, to bringing out my child from within. I got a piece of paper and wrote,
“By the sacrifice of Jesus I have been blessed. My womb is blessed and I am no more barren. I am a mother and my children are special”
I would confess this for 1 minute and then pray in the HolySpirit for 15 mins. and then confess them again and then pray in the HolySpirit. I was doing that round the clock, both at special times and as I went about my daily routines. I also kept doing this under my breath whenever I’m in the public and aloud whenever I’m alone.
I wasn’t really eager to see any results. I was calm. I believed strongly that I already had received my answer by the sacrifice of Jesus and that it was my responsibility to keep pulling it out into manifestation no matter how long it takes. So I was very serious about it yet, I was at peace and at rest.
After doing this for about 5 months I began to have a very strong feeling to adopt a child from the orphanage. It was so strongly impressed in my heart. Whenever I slept my dreams would take the pattern of me adopting a child. I just didn’t have any peace regarding this impression. The burden just didn’t go away. The more I prayed as I used to, the more the burden became stronger.
I began to feel as though the burden came as a result of my praying, my making declarations and my faith or belief that my children were already in me. On the other hand, adopting a child is not part of my agenda in life. I wanted a child not someone else’s child so, I wasn’t very comfortable with it. After resisting it for a while, I eventually decided to discuss it with my husband. It was then I came to fully understand what Faith actions really are.
He told me that faith without a corresponding action is a Faith without fruits or results. He said that faith is believing you have gotten your answer concerning a request concerning something and then setting out in that venture because you believe and have rested on the assurance that it is settled. But whatever next action you take, ( without any chickening or doubt or fear ) should be born out of your faith and the spirit of God inside of you.
“Sometimes, immediately you stand in faith concerning that situation, you may automatically know what next to do and how to go about it. But other times your next action would only come to you and become clearer to you as you keep on praying out that answer which you have believed that you have already received.” He said
After Duke’s explanation, I could clearly understand that those former actions, that I had copied from the women whom I had discussed with concerning how they had conceived, were actually very peculiar to them.
To one woman she’d feel like buying baby things, to another it may be another action. It is something born from the spirit of God within and not what we feel we should do so that God would see our minds, be pleased, have mercy on us and then grant our request.
Faith actions are not guess works. They are not actions done to prove we have faith. They are just the next step to take in boldness and with an assurance born from within. If no action emerges from within you, don’t force yourself to do anything. Either get up and do that which you couldn’t do before or keep praying till an action springs up from within your spirit to carry out.
Faith actions are actions that lead us to the destination (the fulfilment of our already gotten answers). They are actions that should first come alive in you before they can be expressed (are now carried out).
So, I stepped out and comfortably went to the orphanage. I adopted the baby and in exactly one year and six months, as I was told by my husband, I became a proud mother of triplets. Yea….
I really don’t know why the next step for me was to adopt a child but all I can say for now is that, adopting a child filled me with great joy. The joy I needed to make me conceive. I became more relaxed and focused on taking care of the little infant. I began to see myself more as mother and boom!!!!! I turned out to be one. It changed the picture I had of myself totally and positively. A saying goes, “the future you cannot picture, you cannot feature in”. I can now see that I needed a change of picture. READ THE NEXT STORY: “It came too Late”
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STORY TITLE: THE WRONG MOVE.