WHO AM I? pt 2

At a certain time in my life, I felt really miserable though I was married to a very nice man with 2 great kids. All of that didn’t make me happy because I was yet to find myself.

I had fantasies about life and people who I looked up to but it didn’t change anything. Deep inside me I was really unhappy. I virtually had lost touch with the real world.


Mike, my husband tried all he could. He got me enrolled in a mind therapist institution but that didn’t still solve the problem. In fact, I turned out even more depressed and confused.

It all started one evening when I was getting dressed for a corporate dinner. I picked up a lovely dress Mike had got me about 10 years before, that I had worn just once.

And when I looked into the mirror I was so surprised at my looks. I had lost shape completely, my skin was not as radiant as it was before and I had wrinkles on my face.

It was as if someone had cut off my ego without my knowing. My self confidence and esteem suddenly disappeared

I began to be absent minded and I was always got lost in my thoughts every time. There was no time that I wasn’t thinking of how people thought of me and how others may be laughing at me because, they are better than me.

Because of this I often avoided public gatherings as much as I could and always preferred to be alone. I kept wondering if I’d ever be able to find myself or even fit in again but things got worse.

People have said people with low self esteem act very aggressive unnecessarily well, in my case,

…..I went for a certain job interview where I was asked personal but harmless questions about my home but I ended up slapping someone on their team because he asked me how I was going to cope with my daughter who was a cheer leader at school and my son who was a baseball star and their job. Within me I turned that question into something else. I felt he was looking down on me and was about to make jest of me so, I gave him a dirty slap and walked away from that opportunity.

You may have also heard that people with low self esteem never value what they have and would always have eyes on people’s stuff that may not even be as good as theirs. In my case, I had this very beautiful and expensive necklace but I never had value for it because I felt it wasn’t just fine enough since no one had praised it and since it wasn’t in vogue. So I went to the accessories shop and got it exchanged for some other design that was far cheaper and in vogue just to get appraised by people. But unfortunately for me the next day, someone saw me and mocked at me. She said I was wearing a cheap necklace and it was most shocking for me to find out that she was wearing the exact necklace that I had exchanged for the cheap one. I kept acquiring things not because I needed them but because I wanted to impress others and get respect from others a bit more.

Infact, I loved to gossip and talk down on people. No body was good enough. No one was beautiful enough. I would always see the wrong in people just to feel good about myself. This was really affecting my marriage and it really made me distant from my kids.

I was always hard and unnecessarily harsh at them, telling them that they were not good enough. I would always quarrel just to make a point when ever I and my husband were in a mutual discussion because I felt he was seeing me as a woman and may not regard my views and opinions.

Readers it was terrible and I really wanted a way out. I cried almost after exhibiting my bad attitude but when ever I tried to relax and change it turned out that I began to act timid. People would begin to ride on me as I usually would be very quite and too shy to speak up for myself.

You see low self esteem is an evil monster that one cannot get out from. Even when you want to get normal you even become more abnormal and before I knew it I would often bounce back to the other extreme (been aggressive) and I just couldn’t find the balance at all.

This struggle went on for years until…

     ……God favoured me. In the middle of the night, I heard a loud voice that woke me up. It called my name thrice. Initially I was scared but I felt this calmness and peace that was so intense which made me fearless.

The voice continued..,

“I am your Jehovah, the almighty God. Why have you allowed lies to ruin you. Do you remember how it all started? The devil lied to you so you could look down on yourself and the moment you obeyed him you gave him the key to steal your identity and confidence but I have come to restore it.

Take up a pen and write this down…

This is who you are….

You are my child. A child of God. I am your father and you are royal. You have authority and power. That is who you are….

You are like me inside and out. You have my righteousness and you do not operate on the natural frequency. You are supernatural and divine. You say things and they come to pass.

Because you are royal no matter what you wear and how you look you would be honored because you are my daughter.

Ponder on this everyday. Read it to yourself always and recite it till it gets into you. This would guide you. You’ll never think low of yourself and you’d know when and how to exercise your authority. Kings and Queens do not struggle, they just say the Word and their authority backs them.

You’d begin to esteem, appreciate and see good things about others around you. You’d find yourself building up others because you know that you are in charge……”

I did just that and today people appreciate me every where I go. I rededicated my life to God and became committed to him. On my 50th birthday, the entire place was filled up just to celebrate with me. They kept on pouring praises to me. Wherever I go I am honoured because I am always conscious of who I am in Christ Jesus and not what I am wearing, how I look, what someone had said about me nor what I feel people are saying about me.


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