My name is Drew. Growing up was really really tough for me because I had a drunkard for a father. He acted very cruel and was very abusive. He abused I and my siblings very often including my mother. This really affected me negatively. I was very intelligent but because him I never was confident in myself. To him I was never good enough.
One day, one of my classmates came to the house. He met my father sitting at the living room. And after he greeted him, my father enquired for his name, school and purpose for coming over to the house and after that he called for me.
Then in my presence he asked him his position in the last class examinations. He said “first position sir” which was the truth. Then he asked me mine and I told him “8th position sir”.
He began to insult me. He said if they were to kill the first 7 people in my class, they were going to start from me and that he was very disappointed in me. He advised my friend not to make friends with a loser like me.Apart from having a very wrong image of myself by seeing my self as a loser and never good enough, I had an image on marriage. Though I didn’t like what my father was doing to mother and how he beats her up often for any little error she makes, this image was also building in my subconscious. Lastly, my dad was rich but we never saw ourselves as rich. He preferred to keep his money in the bank than for him to get nice stuff for us. As a matter of fact he only gave us money for school fees food and books and that was is it. Even the money he gives most times were not complete. He’d tell us that we are all wasted investments.
The first day I visited that my class mate who never came to my house again after that day, I saw a different light. I went to his house on a Saturday morning and happened to stay there till around 6pm. All through my stay I saw another side of life completely. I got to understand why my friend stopped coming to our house. I began to visit his house very often because they helped to erase the negative image that my father had formed in me and their lifestyle also helped me to form a good and positive image about life. All the while I saw my self as good for nothing and someone who would never amount to anything in life. But they made me see that in life, there is something good in everyone whether dull or intelligent, whether disabled or fit.
They loved themselves and their parents never used curse words on them. The harshest I heard was “Don’t be Naughty”. There were times I met disagreements in the house but everyone acted reasonably and were very eager to restore peace and mutuality. Their parents were very disciplined and they do this maturely without having to damage the self image and esteem of their children. And one unique thing they did was that they were very prayerful and also had the habit of talking to them selves. When I tried to listen to what they were saying to themselves I discovered that they had a regular pattern of speaking positive words.
Once I saw their dad sitting alone at the dinning room and he just kept repeating to himself “I am rich! I am full of God’s wisdom! My kids respect and listen to me! My wife is well behaved! My wife is innovative.
I often see my friend confessing to himself that he remembers all things… “I am the best! I can’t fail! I am intelligent ”
That was the custom of their home and I started to imitate them. I spoke what I wanted to see repeatedly not minding what I saw at that time.
Gradually but not slowly, my family began to change. My father stopped drinking and began to go to church. But 10 years later when I was already married with a kid, I suddenly noticed that I began to beat my wife and abuse my kids. I didn’t like it but I didn’t know how to stop.
It occurred to me that even though someone may not be in support of an activity but for the fact that you are around that environment, that image is often subconsciously created in you and later on you’d begin to see it replayed in you.
When ever my family did anything wrong, triggered with stress and frustration, I’d begin to abuse them by default. One day I broke down in tears at the office. As I was resting my head, my childhood friend’s family flashed into my mind…..
I got up from my chair, locked the door and immediately began to confess positively. I began to use my words to correct my abusive habits against my family.
I continued to do that daily and soon after that image in me that had formed was replaced with been a lovely father and husband with so much wisdom. You have the power to create in your tongue. Do not say ” I HAVE TRIED TO CHANGE AND IT’S NOT WORKING”
Just build what you want to see and condition that situation with your confession. Make confessing right consciously a lifestyle and watch those negative images built over the years or in passing destroyed immediately. THE END READ THE NEXT STORY “Why the Wait?”
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STORY TITLE: THE IMAGE