My wife and I decided to pay a short visit to my parents so we traveled to my home town to spend a few days with them.
On getting there that Tuesday, we decided that the entire family did a thanks giving party. So we began to put things in place at once against Sunday that same week.
Eventually the day came, all went well and ended well but not for me.
After the thanksgiving was over, that same evening I went to get my food from the kitchen. I met my step mom (my mom is late) there. We chatted a bit and then she began to complain about my wife. She complained that my wife didn’t show any concern about anything that was done. Well, I never saw it that way before because my wife is a nursing mother and she barely had time for herself because the baby cries a lot. But looking at my step Mom’s countenance I could see that she was really unhappy. She kept on talking and talking while I stood listening to her and then she ended by saying “if it were to be her family’s thanksgiving wouldn’t she show concern?”.
That statement really made me feel as though my wife didn’t love my family so I took my food and raced upstairs to have a serious talk with her. I was really angry.
To my surprise, I didn’t find her in the room. I only saw our 4 months old baby lying there all alone. That triggered my anger the more.
I had just sat down to eat when I saw her entering the room. She walked towards me and said that she had been looking for me and would want to know what was for dinner. She said she went downstairs but those downstairs are giving her attitude probably because she didn’t join them to prepare dinner.
On hearing that, I first of all told her what was for dinner and then began to scold her. In my words I asked….
“Why didn’t you show concern in the family thanks giving?”
My wife: I don’t understand?
Me: Yes, you didn’t show concern. You just locked yourself up in the room. Is that how you would behave if you go to your family’s house? …
WIFE: What do you mean? I have been here with you all along. You are aware that the baby has been seriously disturbing and that I managed to bath myself or even eat. When the thanksgiving reception was going on, I managed to make the baby sleep and came downstairs to help but it was you who shouted on me to go and be with the baby. You hadn’t even finished shouting when the baby suddenly began to cry. You know how it has been with me… why are you sounding like this?
ME: Stop using the baby as an excuse my friend!
That was it. My wife broke into tears, took the baby and went downstairs. I wondered how she knew that it was my step mom who spoke to me because she went straight to her. From the room upstairs, I could hear her shouting on top of her voice. Few minutes later, she, the baby and my step mom was in the room. My step mom gazed at me with surprise as she didn’t expect me to report her to my wife while my wife looked at me with disappointment written all over her. After, my step mom tried to calm down my wife she left to her room. I felt that would have ended the whole issue but to my surprise, it only just began.
You wouldn’t believe that my wife cried all through the night that I began to even regret ever bringing up the issue. The next morning we were set to return to our residence. We waved everyone good bye and zoomed off.
All through the journey, my wife’s face was very heavy. I took a very good look at her and asked what her problem was and there it was…. An explosion of anger, rage and bitterness. I was really shocked with the things I heard from her mouth. The entire matter in her mind had been incubated into something entirely different. I just didn’t know what to do so I closed my eyes and pondered between apologizing to her or standing my ground. And, after about 5 seconds, I stopped the car looked her in the face and told her I was ready to send her packing if she decides not to reason well. I stood my ground! I felt if I apologized, she’d take me for granted.
One thing led to another and I found my self beating her on the high way and managed to stop when our 4 months baby began to cry.
Yes. I took it too far but you needed to hear her referring to past events, insulting my parents, and comparing me to my brothers etc…
After she had attended to the baby I got back into the car and we continued the journey. I was really remorseful but I didn’t show it. She sobbed till we got home. She didn’t speak to me. I looked for ways to speak with her but she didn’t respond. That night she slept in the other room.
Well, she’d get over it I thought just for me to realize that I was in serious trouble the next day. When I returned from work I got home to find…..
……that my wife had moved out of the house. I found the note She left for me on the TV set and It read….
GO AND MARRY YOUR STEP MOM!
On reading that rubbish I was filled with mixed feelings at once. I became angry, sad, scared and confused at the same time. Wow… she left! That was when my Ego disappeared. I cried because I love my wife so much and I do not ever want to hurt her. I cried because I regretted beating her. In fact that was the first time and I knew that was the reason she left. I, that initially did not give a damn about her moodiness was suddenly humbled and compelled to go look for her.
Well, because of the baby I knew she’d be no where else than her father’s house.
“Now, how do I face her parents to tell them I beat their precious daughter?” … I panted.
After some minutes I decided to call my pastor whom happened to be a marriage counselor for advice and booked an appointment with him for the next day morning.
When I got there I narrated everything to him just as I have narrated to you. He listened to me carefully and after I was done, he called on his wife to sit with us. She came exchanged greetings with me and sat down beside me. After that he held out his phone and played all I said to his wife’s hearing. I didn’t know he had been recording all that I had said. He played the recording back to my hearing in the presence of his wife. By the time he was done he looked at his wife and then he looked sternly at me. Then he beckoned on his wife. They discussed in low voices for about 3 mins and then returned back to their seats.
Then he held out his phone again to play another recording. This time it was my wife’s voice I heard. She was at his office the previous day where he did the same thing by recording their conversation. After listening to her side of the issue that she had narrated to the pastor and his wife the previous day I recieved sense!
Because of time I would not be able to narrate all she said but the bottom line remains that all men should really love and show love to their wives. I realized that when it came to handling the home they may be women but when it comes to been your wife, love and romance, they are babies who like attention and petting. Shouting and beating never corrects any woman rather it makes her act stubborn. Only wise men know this key and It is only by this key you can dominate over her.
All the while I felt my wife was acting stupid and challenging my authority Oh!!!! I never knew that all she wanted was to be heard.
From the recording I heard for the very first time that she did show concern and then I realized that since it was not in the area my step mom wanted her to show concern, she didn’t notice them at all.
Again, She didn’t like the way I was easily convinced and persuaded. She said she felt alone because I didn’t defend the love of my life (her) even if she was wrong instead I went ahead to scold her like the enemy.
This has made her heap the blame on my step mom. Its very easy for wives to feel oppressed by their mother in laws and it lies in the husbands hand because it is when you esteem your wife that she gets to feel secure and open to corrections and good judgements.
So, after listening to the recording of my wife’s discussion with my pastor and his wife I needed not be told by anybody what to do. I thanked both the pastor and his wife dearly and then raced off to my father in-law’s house.
I wasn’t nervous anymore because I hadn’t gone to beg for my wrong doing but to show that I really loved his daughter so much.
I didn’t apologize, I didn’t beg her. I only prostrated on the floor before her thanking her for all the efforts she had put into my life and our marriage especially those she felt I had never noticed. I kept mentioning them one after the other and after about an hour of mentioning them, it dawned on me that of a truth.. MY WOMAN IS MY EVERYTHING! She went home with me that day feeling appreciated.
ONLY A FOOLISH MAN WOULD ENGAGE IN AN ARGUMENT WITH HIS WIFE. APPRECIATION, LOVE & TENDERNESS IS THE WAY. THE END!